raoli.com

Not that I particularly care about the team or the player, but I love the headline:

“Sabres renounce Satan, team’s six-time scoring leader“

Earlier today, I received an email from mlb.com informing me that their holiday gift guide was now available. It’s actually organized pretty well — you can shop by price or by team or you can check out the Stocking Stuffer and Gifts for Her sections. As you might expect, there are World Series items in the Red Sox category, including an ornament. Sadly, there’s nothing Chanukah-oriented. This is a tad disappointing, especially since the 2004 Red Sox had two Jewish players, Gabe Kapler and Kevin Youkilis, and a Jewish General Manager, Theo Epstein.

I’ve come up with a solution to this shortcoming. I don’t have the ability to make these, but if anybody follows-through with this, I’d really like one.

Without further ado, I give you the 2004 Red Sox World Series Commemorative Menorah.

This once-in-a-lifetime collectible features the starting lineup from Game 4 of the World Series — remember, it was played in St. Louis, so there was no DH — as the nine arms of the candelabra. Each player has their right arm raised victoriously above their head, where the Chanukah candles are inserted into the players’ Jack Daniel’s shot glasses.

Remember, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so act fast!

Went through the spam folder today before dumping the contents.

NEW Jedi Birth Control!

“This is not the egg you’re looking for.”

Where can I place a pre-order?

Well, it should!

For more proof that errors and random chance can be funny in that juvenile sort of way, check out what recently got sent out as a serial number by Ambrosia Software.

Matt Gemmell:

Yes, my dear old cousin has been sneaking away from his wife and child to look at porn, under the guise of looking after his parents’ house in their absence. Rock ‘n roll!

Some friends and I were discussing the difference between growing up and getting older now that we’re out of school. We’re all getting older but in no way have we grown up. The consensus was we’d grow up when we had the first thing. Nice to know some things won’t change, though!

So Comedy Central is roasting Denis Leary this coming Sunday. I’m rather looking forward to his — I’ve already set the TiVo — though I’m thinking it might be a wilder evening if it was shown on a network like HBO or Showtime instead of Comedy Central.

Whatever the content, it should be fun to watch.

Warehouse 23:

If you go out to the woods today
You won’t like what you will find
If you go out to the woods today
You’re certain to lose your mind
For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain because
Today’s the day the teddy bears summon Cthulhu!

Ritual time for teddy bears!
The little teddy bears are waking the Elder Gods today!
Smell the incense in the air!
And see them dancing their eldritch ballet!
See the waving tentacles
While in their pentacles
They summon your worst nightmares!
And soon their Lord, Great Old One Cthulhu
Will rise up from the sea
Because they’re faithful little teddy bears

You could go out to the woods today
With the bears and their evil tome
It’s lovely out in the woods today
But safer to stay at home
Beneath the trees where nobody sees
They’ll chant and pray as long as they please
Today’s the day the teddy bears summon Cthulhu!

Words are failing me right now. Thanks for making insomnia worthwhile, Chuqui.

Chris Turner:

Programmers like to be efficient, which is a good thing. If programmers are efficient with their code, there is less work for them and less overhead on the systems running the code. Unfortunately, there is a case of being too efficient with your coding, as the Australian armed forces learned.

Well, I’m failing to see the problem here. This sounds like a fine beginning for a really cool video game. 🙂

I’ve got email. My email client is shocking me again.

…and people wonder why Bare Bones products have such a fanatical following. Obviously, it’s the shock therapy…

Happy April Fool’s, all.

Update: Oh yeah, there’s also the excellent customer support options.

Michael has a decent summary of today’s worthwhile online pranks.